'He said... my plant was not "food grade"': 20+ People who realized they're aren't dating the smartest person

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Jul 16, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

One person realized their spouse wasn't that bright when they declared, "I thought we could just buy tickets at the airport on the day we leave." Their spouse literally thought that showing up at the airport, bag in hand, with no ticket, would still get them on a plane with any certainty. Only if they're lucky would they wind up on an aircraft! And that person isn't the only one who's been a bit surprised at their significant other's intelligence deficits… 

At least 14,000 people had stories to share about their spouse's lack of common sense. While dating someone, you quickly realize that the way they were raised influences their current knowledge. For example, there's a guy who didn't understand the correct way to make ramen noodles. It seems incredibly simple: boil water, cook the noodles, add the spice packet, and eat up. How hard could it be? Well, this dude proved that even the instructions don't count on someone being so dense that they wouldn't think to stir their soup before eating it. If you want to dump in the packet, not stir it, eat one extremely salty bite and then eat the rest of the "plain" noodles, well, it's his right to do so.

After that, read about what happened when this secretary stopped relaying messages to the CFO, writing, "I see the tow truck arrive and leave with the CFO's very, very precious Corvette."

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    Cheezburger Image 10374777600
    via Josh Hild on Unsplash
  • 02
    What was your "I'm dating/married to a idiot" Moment?
    via u/Known-Pop-8355
  • 03
    TwoBadRobots She thinks that north is always uphill, so prefers to walk south.
    via u/TwoBadRobots
  • 04
    Apuuli21 We served in the US Peace Corps together in Uganda. One day, it was really sunny out (like we lived within 50. miles of the equator sunny) She says, "The moon is going to be really bright tonight." I asked what she meant, and she said since it's so sunny, the moon is absorbing all the light and will illuminate brighter when it's dark...
    via u/Apuuli21
  • 05
    We argued about this and ended up talking to her mother on the phone. She confirmed her daughter's hypothesis
    via u/Apuuli21
  • 06
    u.. This one is a bit obscure but when you go to a hotel to check in, you tell them your full name or at least your last name so they can look you up. The guy I was dating at the time and I had booked a hotel somewhere and we got there, they asked his name he only gave them his first name which is generic.
    via u/ultravioletblueberry
  • 07
    "What's your full name." Again gives them just his first name. "Sir, we need your full name. to look you up." "Yeah but the reservation is under my name (first name here)."
    via u/ultravioletblueberry
  • 08
    I had to intervene and tell him they needed his last name because there could be many guests by his first name. I was so shocked this was not common sense to him.
    via u/ultravioletblueberry
  • 09
    RossTheNinja My ex thought wind turbines spun because they were powered by electricity. She has since got a degree and I don't have one so I'm not sure what that makes me.
    via u/RossTheNinja
  • 10
    Castle_of_Aaaaa... One day, my then-fiancé was very angry with me without warning and started harassing me over "what are you going to do??? How are you going to pay for our wedding?!? HOW??" Basically accusing me of being broke, or having no financial plan... After a whole day of me wondering what the heck is
    via u/Castle_of_Aaaaaaargh
  • 11
    going on, she finally went through the numbers. According to this wedding magazine she borrowed from her friends, the average cost of a 200 guest wedding in Tokyo was $80,000 or so. And i did not have that kind of money... like, at all. And then i had to literal sit her down and use pen/paper to "prove" how much our wedding is costing, since i
    via u/Castle_of_Aaaaaaargh
  • 12
    insisted it wont be as much. "How much is the venue/ceremony/rentals?" $2500 "How much is the meal going to cost per guest at the hotel restaurant?" $50-70 And how much are the hotel rooms we're paying for? $150/night And how many people are attending the wedding? 13.
    via u/Castle_of_Aaaaaaargh
  • 13
    All said and done, our whole wedding was going to be about $4500-5000. And we knew this. But after reading one magazine article about mega weddings in Tokyo, my fiance convinced herself that ours had to cost that much too. Spent nearly 2 days stewing and angry with me before even explaining this was the reason for her hostility.
    via u/Castle_of_Aaaaaaargh
  • 14
    (She was easily influenced like this by anything. Friend's comments, overhearing old ladies' conversations on the train, clickbait news online, etc.. And no, i did not go through with the wedding. Took me a long time to admit that her stupidity wasnt a charm point, but weaponized incompetence by an abuser)
    via u/Castle_of_Aaaaaaargh
  • 15
    snow-ninja My husband was feeling unwell and began googling. his symptoms. After a while of silence, he suddenly turns. to me in a panic and says "I think I have pre-eclampsia!"
    via u/snow-ninja
  • 16
    AnericanSteel412 I dated a guy in college who visited me in my rural hometown and asked what the animals in the neighbor's field were. I said 'cows" in a you must be level of disbelief. He me proceeded to tell me they can't be cows because cows are black and white and these animals were all
    via u/AnericanSteel412
  • 17
    brown. I had to pull up Google to prove to him that brown cows existed. I could maybe understand if he'd been from a city but he told ne he was from a rural suburb, not a city so I guess he was just an idiot.
    via u/AnericanSteel412
  • 18
    butteryv My boyfriend refused to eat basil I had bought from the grocery store because it was a full plant. I was keeping it outside and he insisted that he would not eat "dirty" food. I asked where he thought farmers kept produce and he said that they has "special areas" for food to grow that was sterilized but my plant was not "food grade"
    via u/butteryv*****
  • 19
    I just looked at him with a dumbfounded look. I didn't know how to respond.
    via u/butteryv*****
  • 20
    S.. While we were moving my Ex-wife asked me who we needed to contact to change our email address...
    via u/smallboxofcrayons
  • 21
    EastLeastCoast Having a discussion with my wife about not using certain Christmas tree decorations because they were glass and we had small kids. Her: They're not glass. Me: They are though. Her: No they're not! See? proceeds to drop one straight onto the hardwood floor
    via u/EastLeastCoast
  • 22
    ~SMASH!~ Me: ... Her: ... Me: (with deadest straight face I have ever managed in my life) ...I'll get the broom. And that is why we are still married.
    via u/EastLeastCoast
  • 23
    Tinyfishy My husband thought people whistled when they set off fireworks. He didn't realize the fireworks themselves whistles. Though that was one of his more harmless stupidities.
    via u/Tinyfishy
  • 24
    unfriendlypigeon Ex wife. Complained Apple Pay wouldn't work/link or whatever. I suggested she contact apple support, or go down to the Apple Store. Kept refusing to go to the store, saying she'd call customer support and go from there.
    via u/unfriendlypigeon
  • 25
    One day while at work, she texts me asking where to get iTunes gift cards. Already a red flag. "Why do you need those?" I ask. She stated to me that Apple support is requesting the codes so they can verify funds. I told her it's a bad idea, it's a scam, and to just go to the Apple Store. An argument broke out, and nothing was discussed further.
    via u/unfriendlypigeon
  • 26
    I get home that night, and notice eight (8) $100 iTunes. gift card holders in the kitchen. I ask her if she sent the codes to anyone in which another argument broke out. She said she posted in an Apple support thread and an anonymous user replied to her telling her to call this number, obviously unaffiliated with Apple.
    via u/unfriendlypigeon
  • 27
    Some say her Apple Pay still doesn't connect to this day.
    via u/unfriendlypigeon
  • 28
    thebemusedmuse There was this girl that kept faxing the same document over and over. Eventually the recipient called to beg her to stop. But it keeps failing she said... the document keeps coming back out...
    via u/thebemusedmuse
  • 29
    Shawnaldo7575 On a camping trip. She was worried about parking the car on the grass because she thought the grass was going to grow, puncturing and flattening the tires.
    via u/Shawnaldo7575
  • 30
    greenash4 I bought fresh broccoli and my husband asked why I got such one huge broccoli and not the normal smaller ones. He thought broccoli naturally comes in bite-sized florets.
    via u/greenash4
  • 31
    Squeak_Stormb... When he spent an hour arguing cows are from England and bulls are from Spain. Or when he told me he is British because he had mixed (Egyptian and Irish) heritage and I was English because I don't.
    via u/Squeak_Stormborn
  • 32
    Oh no wait... when the - dentist handed him that vacuum thing to spit into and he thought it was an oxygen mask and got it stuck to his face! Haha. Memories.
    via u/Squeak_Stormborn
  • 33
    MG42Turtle Girl I dated in college broke my laptop because she kept trying to get a USB drive in. Instead of, you know, flipping it, she just pushed harder and harder until it broke my port and motherboard.
    via u/MG42Turtle
  • 34
    NoHedgehog252 A girl I was trying to date told me that Spain is part of Latin America, and when I informed her that it is in Europe, she doubled down by saying she was a Latin American studies student and that I was wrong.
    via u/NoHedgehog252
  • 35
    James1Williams... We were planning a trip, and I asked my partner to book the flights. Weeks later, I asked for the details, and they said, "Oh, I thought we could just buy tickets at the airport on the day we leave." Apparently, they thought airports were like bus stops.
    via u/James1Williams990
  • 36
    We ended up paying so much for last-minute tickets, I half-expected a butler on the plane to greet us with caviar and a mortgage application. Lesson learned: trust, but always verify :)
    via u/James1Williams990
  • 37
    TeamWaffleStomp My husband went in dollar general for toilet paper. We had maybe $50 to last the week. This man came back with $40 of mango juice because it was on sale and no toilet paper. I drank the juice but I was awfully salty about it.
    via u/TeamWaffleStomp
  • 38
    CuriouslyFlavored My wife was commenting on a man who we knew dated a lot of women. One day we saw him with his kid. She said, "I bet he doesn't even know who the mother is."
    via u/CuriouslyFlavored
  • 39
    PhantomBanker My wife bought a bunch of Rid-X because she saw an ad on how expensive replacing a septic tank can be. We're on the village sewer line. We don't have a septic tank.
    via u/PhantomBanker
  • 40
    SoggySpaceHot... He was making noodles and put in the seasoning packet but didn't mix it in. He then complained that the noodle brand was rubbish because the noodles only had flavour on one part. Q
    via u/SoggySpaceHotdog
  • 41
    Mono_Clear She didn't know that a "rhino" and a "rhinoceros" are the same thing. She thought rhinoceroses. didn't exist anymore because dinosaurs are extinct.
    via u/Mono_Clear
  • 42
    L.. Found out she was eating half-cooked premade pot pies cause she broiled every meal in the oven instead of baking it. She told me she hated that her oven burnt the top of each one and left the bottom doughy...she would eat the uncooked dough regardless
    via u/Luet_box
  • 43
    JobRich7841 My husband was convinced that bees and wasps are THE SAME THING, just at different times of the year. He thought bees grew up into wasps during the summer... I love him, but... HOW
    via u/JobRich7841
  • 44
    DiscoLibra We were playing a video game and he said, "let's go kill those O-Greys over there.." I was like, "what? You mean, Ogres?" And he replied, "yes, but it's pronounced O-Greys.."
    via u/DiscoLibra
  • 45
    SpiritLopsided869 when i realized he never planned to put sheets back on his mattress because he "didn't know how"
    via u/SpiritLopsided869
  • 46
    coffeegrindz He got a deportation order and swore to me it could be fixed by doing court given community service.
    via u/coffeegrindz
  • 47
    PHWasAnInside... Not me, my mom with my stepdad. My stepdad is highly allergic to shellfish, like one bite could put him in the hospital. One night mom and stepdad are out at dinner, and my stepdad orders clam chowder. My mom was like, "Are you absolutely sure?" And it took him a good minute to realize why it would not in fact be the best idea to order a clam chowder.
    via u/PHWasAnInsideJob
  • 48
    stellactqm I was at the supermarket with this girl I'd been seeing for a couple of weeks. We were in the produce section and she said she wanted to make homemade lemonade so i went and grabbed some lemons. She told me "not these ones silly, I want to make pink lemonade, we can't use yellow lemons"
    via u/stellactqm
  • 49
    mrlotato Alright I love my gf to the moon and back but.. she thought if she got a tattoo, her baby would come out with that same tattoo in the same spot she got it.. :/
    via u/mrlotato
  • 50
    [deleted] Guy I dated (briefly) was not a US citizen. His debit card got flagged for a large purchase, and when the bank called and asked for his passport number to verify his identity, he guessed. He had his passport in his pocket, and instead of looking at it, he just started rattling off wrong numbers. Obviously
    via u/[deleted]
  • 51
    ended up getting his bank account frozen, and then he called the bank the next week and demanded that they deposit some money into his account to make up for the inconvenience they caused him.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 52
    robhw My wife was late (not missed) on 32 mortgage payments in the last few years, our credit for a good 7 years our so. She's a finance manager. I don't get it.
    via u/robhw
  • 53
    triggered318 My girlfriend at the time asked if my friends pet ferret would turn into an eagle
    via u/triggered318

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